But I Know
by asterika
Summary: By the time she'd gotten to Fourside, Paula had seen her fair share of fights. But never one quite like this.


Ness was the first one up. As always.

Paula wasn't sure how he did it, especially after the ordeal they went through the day prior. She'd hopped into the shower twice yesterday but the grime underneath her fingernails persisted. Her mouth felt mustier than normal, even taking morning breath into account. It was like parts of the mole cave were stuck to her, somehow.

Anyway. He telegraphed his early rise the same way again this morning. Breakfast sailed through the air in the form of a egg sandwich in paper and landed square in the middle of the bedside table.

A perfect pitch. Again. She furrowed her brow and gave it a whiff.

"This looks disgusting," Paula grumbled, unwrapping it.

With half his sandwich gone, Ness's mouth was bulging. He eyeballed the remaining half and shrugged. "S'not bad. Threed Bakery was definitely a lot better though."

He tossed a second sandwich at the mess of blankets on the other side of the room. The desk there was peppered with nuts, bolts, screws and other bits, while a positive lake of rushed sketches on graph paper lay strewn over the floor. If the breathing mass below the blankets registered the delivery at all, it made no effort to take it.

Sighing as he leapt onto his own bed, Ness inhaled another bite. "What time did he sleep last night?"

"No clue. I passed out before he did," Paula said. She reached a hand under her sheets for a second and found the tattered book she'd been reading the night before. A new, even nastier crease had manifested on the upper right corner of the cover. The first 'r' in Catcher in the Rye had disappeared into the first page.

She groaned. Ness shook his head.

"You guys gotta get into better habits. Do you really want to be sleep deprived in a life-or-death situation?"

Paula tried for a glare, but it was a lot harder to be angry when you were yawning. "R-r-relax. It's not like we're doing anything today."

Ness crammed the rest of the sandwich into his mouth.

"Come on, there's always something to do!" he exclaimed, spraying crumbs all over the sheets. "We haven't even gotten to Monotoli yet!"

Paula rolled her eyes. "Stop dreaming. If he wanted to see us, he would've let us up there."

"Well, I know for a fact we're not gonna get up there by sitting around in here. Come on. Can't hurt to poke around again."

There it was again. The constant desire to always be going somewhere, talking to someone, _doing_ something. It didn't start out so bad - Paula even thought it was kind of fun, always having somewhere to go. It was such a departure from the hazy way she passed her days in Twoson. But it took its toll. The things they did weren't always carefree. That was an unavoidable truth, but it didn't make her feel any better. Sometimes the going was hard or tiring. At worst, terrifying.

In yesterday's case, it was all three. It felt like a fleeting memory drenched in exhaustion, but Paula still felt the sweat coat her back as she woke up from the nightmare. A wide pair of jagged teeth caked in blood and grime surrounding her and moving ever closer, all the while droning in a monotonous chant: "num-ber-three! num-ber-three!".

She repressed a shudder. It was a stupid dream, sure. But a lot of people were scared by stupid things. Even Ness had admitted to deep-rooted coulrophobia just two weeks ago. Paula nearly died laughing after she finally looked it up in the dictionary.

Her lip curled from the memory.

Ness snapped his fingers, his eyes dangerously narrowed. "Yo, are you listening?"

She shook herself from her stupor. "What?"

He sighed again. "Are you with me or not?"

Paula set both the book and the egg sandwich down. She steeled herself, and then wondered why she felt like she had to prepare herself for anything.

"Do we always have to be so 'up-and-at-'em' about everything?" she said, forcing herself to look him in the eye. "Can't we just take it easy every once in a while?"

Ness crumpled up the sandwich wrapper and sat up, lobbing it across the room. It bounced off the wall once before landing neatly into the trash can.

Another perfect pitch. There was something infuriating about that, Paula thought. Did he always have to throw things?

"We got back at one in the afternoon yesterday," he said in a measured voice. "We napped for like five hours. We saw the Runaway Five show. They paid for dinner at that fancy bistro on 44th Street. We even got dessert - you got that ridiculous strawberry and pistachio soufflé."

She was barely able to hide it, but Paula was impressed. Even _she_ barely remembered what she ordered for dinner last night.

"What's your point?"

"Is that not enough downtime for you?" he demanded. "How much more of a break do you need?

Paula's chest swelled as her mind worked up a frenzy. She had a response ready, but the giant sleeping mass finally turned over. Jeff tumbled out of his fortress, alongside another mini bonanza of small metal parts. His hair flopped about as he shook his head experimentally.

She repressed a smile.

"You guys are really loud," he slurred, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Ness struggled for a second, but he rearranged his face into a smile. "Morning, Sunshine. How did you sleep last night?"

Jeff made a strained face and withdrew a screwdriver no longer than five inches from somewhere inside his jacket.

"Well, I found out what was pressing against my ribs last night," he groaned, chucking the tool onto the table. "That should tell you."

He picked up the egg sandwich and unwrapped it. Paula looked away and felt herself deflate as she resumed her own breakfast. It was a lot harder to argue when someone else was in the room. Maybe with Jeff on her side, Ness would relent. They could spend a day taking in the city. Maybe the stars would align and they'd finally be able to get into the department store.

"How's the sandwich?" Ness asked.

Jeff chewed slowly and swallowed. "It's okay. Pretty good, actually."

Ness raised both arms, as if in triumph. "See, I told you it wasn't _that_ bad."

"Oh, shut up." Paula scoffed, pelting the book at him. Yawning, he absorbed the impact with a pillow and tossed it back.

The three sat in silence after that as Jeff slowly (he was meticulous even in eating) devoured the rest of his breakfast. Ness passed the baseball he always inexplicably had on him from hand to hand, and Paula turned another page in the book as she finished the rest of her own meal.

Finally, with all three egg sandwiches binned, Jeff set about cleaning up the river of metallic junk on the floor. "What's on the agenda today?"

Lowering the book, Paula chanced a hopeful glance Ness's way.

"I wanted to head over to Monotoli Tower again," he said. "But General Sleeperson over here just wants to spend another day slacking off."

"That is not what I said!" Paula's temper flared up again.

"But that's what you meant, huh?" Ness laughed, a contemptuous edge creeping into his voice.

Abandoning all pretence, Paula fired back. "When did you become an expert on what I meant?"

Jeff bent a little lower and scooted around to the other side of his bed. Stripped of its sheets, a few strands of his hair peeked above the mattress.

"I know enough."

"Oh, yeah? What's that supposed to mean?"

"I know you don't really care. This whole Monotoli thing is just a throwaway thing for you, huh? Not interesting enough to take seriously?"

"I didn't say that!" She was shrieking now.

"Then you're content to sit around here, and do what?" He matched her volume. "Wait for the world to save itself?"

"No! If anything, we should try something else, since frolicking around there is obviously wasted time!"

"Well, let's hear from you then, since you obviously have the best ideas. What should we do, Commander Paula?"

Thoroughly flustered, Paula stammered. "I - well - "

Jeff poked his head up. "Come on, man. Lay off."

"No, I want to hear it!" Ness snarled, shooting him a venomous look. Jeff descended below the mattress again.

"If she gives a damn like she says she does it should be easy!"

"You just don't listen to anyone, do you?" Paula snapped. "You don't listen to Jeff now, you didn't listen to him when he was nearly dying of heatstroke, and you didn't listen to me back in Threed!"

Bewildered, Jeff turned to Paula. "Threed?"

Paula steamrolled on. "We got trapped in that grave because this idiot thought taking the hot lady outside the hotel _seriously_ was a good idea!"

Jeff turned to Ness. "Hot lady? What?"

"She was the only lead we had!" Ness shouted, completely ignoring Jeff.

"No, it was the dumbest decision you ever made. You even said it yourself!"

Ness's face was a delicate shade of puce. "We would've been fine if you hadn't gotten in my way! I could've taken them!"

Paula let out a laugh completely devoid of mirth. "Please. You and your little bat would've been toast with or without me."

"Yeah. You wouldn't have made a difference either way, right?"

"Oh?" Paula sneered. "So now you don't need me? Big Strong Ness is going to blow up Giygas with his special boy mind powers all by himself?"

"At least then I won't have you holding me back all the time! It's like having to carry a stack of bricks up Mount Everest, Jesus-effing-Christ!"

Paula jumped to her feet, and Ness faltered.

"Go to hell, dumbass," Paula spat, her voice steady as could be.

She slammed the book onto the bedside table and crossed the hotel room in three great strides. She tore open the door, making sure to slam it on her way out.

Ness stared at the door, breathing hard as if he'd just run a marathon. Jeff, having finally crawled out of his hiding spot, took a spot next to him.

Every second devoid of sound between them passed like thick honey. After a few long minutes in silence, Jeff cleared his throat.

"Do you want to talk about what just happened?" Jeff asked, hesitant.

Ness held a hand to his forehead. Jeff looked away the instant he caught sight of the tears spilling from his eyes.

"Do I want to know everything I just said to her?" he said, his voice hoarse.

Having been almost completely blindsided from the exchange that had unfolded in front of him, this was one he could answer instantly and easily.

"No."

* * *

Paula opened the door to the Monotoli Grand Hotel and stepped outside. The early morning sun shone in her face as she breathed in the crisp, albeit slightly tainted city air.

She aimed a hefty kick at the nearest object.

Unfortunately, it happened to be the hardened metal pole of a street sign. The pain shot through her foot instantaneously, doing nothing to alleviate her anger and doing everything to exacerbate it.

Cursing under her breath and earning the look of some incredibly confused onlookers, she hopped her way to a set of steps to sit on, put her forehead on her knees, folded her arms around the lower half of her legs, and finally let herself cry.

Paula was never good at choosing the hills to die on. And it sure felt like she just picked the worst possible choice.

She wasn't even sure why she'd started the fight. Even that was hard to admit - but it was true. Ness hadn't fired a petulant question at her. She did it to him.

Poking around the Monotoli building didn't even sound so bad. At best, they got inside the building and they could see the strings the mayor was pulling. At worst, they would just get kicked out again, and that had already happened a couple times without any real repercussions.

She searched the recesses of her mind for a reason, but the tears had led to snot as she sobbed, and she desperately needed a tissue.

Paula felt a hand on her shoulder. Her nose took in the familiar smell of metal and machine oil.

"Hey, uh..." Jeff said. She heard him sit down next to her. "Need a tissue?"

She reached blindly and grabbed a handful, blowing her nose with that awkward trumpet-like noise she hated.

"I don't know why I did that," Paula said, keeping her forehead buried.

"Did you mean any of it?" Jeff asked.

"Maybe some of it. He pushes us too hard sometimes."

"True," Jeff admitted. "But he only does it because he cares so much. He even remembered what you ordered last night at dinner. I was so tired, I barely even remembered we _had_ dinner."

Paula hiccupped. "You were awake during that?"

"Should we be focussing on that right now?"

She made a face and fell silent.

"He's not always so easy to be around," Jeff said after a few seconds.

Paula nodded.

"But neither are you."

Sniffing, she turned to look at him. "That helps, thanks."

Jeff shrugged but allowed himself a small grin. "That's just how people are. My dad used to say there were two kinds: the ones that give you crap, and the ones that aren't around."

That made her laugh. "He wasn't around much though."

He shrugged again. "Guess not. But he's not wrong."

"Does Ness hate me?" she asked, her voice quavering.

Jeff rested his chin on a fist. "Well, do you hate him?"

"No."

"Guess not, then."

Paula tilted her head. "How is that related?"

Jeff took a minute to rearrange the tissue box.

"Obviously I joined the party last, so I don't know all the nitty-gritty. But you spend so much time together that sometimes it's hard to tell you guys apart."

Paula's face flushed. "I think it's pretty easy to tell us apart, if you ask me." She tugged at her golden curls.

"No, not in that way," Jeff explained, chuckling. "You're more similar than you think. That's why you butt heads so often."

Paula digested this. "Still, how is that a good thing?"

"Sometimes it isn't, sometimes it is," Jeff continued. "But it works best when we're trying something new, or we're about to go into danger. From a third party, I can safely say that sometimes your ideas are much better than his."

She raised an eyebrow. "Like when?"

Jeff scratched his head as he searched his brain. "Like when you froze the moles. They were clearly too fast for us to handle otherwise. It was a lot better than Ness's 'hit-him-until-he-can't-hit-us-anymore' strategy."

Paula laughed again. It felt good. "I guess so. But only sometimes?"

Jeff laughed. "Yeah. Sometimes his are better. And then sometimes, naturally, the best ideas come from me."

Pauls nudged him. "Get to the point, Brain Man."

"You two are both weak when you're apart. I know you've got your fancy fire-ice-lightning-type thing, and Ness has dumb brute force, but trust me. When you're not together it's like trying to watch two monkeys learn how to use power tools. And trust me, I know what that looks like."

There had been a moment when they were traversing the desert just before Fourside. Without warning, a docile-looking buffalo had charged in their general direction at breakneck speed, scattering them. Ness looked dazed as he stumbled around trying to comprehend what had just happened, as if the buffalo had struck him instead of breeze right by. She remembered shooting PSI Freezes wildly to contain the buffalo, who was already a good hundred yards away by that point.

It was terrifying in the moment, embarrassing twenty minutes later, and funny now. But it was true - they were helpless even a stone's throw away from each other. Paula giggled.

"It might be a bit hard to admit it now, but you sort of need him. Right?" Jeff asked.

"Yeah. Sort of."

"And when you needed him, he came to you. Right?"

The sentence triggered something deep within Paula. In her head, she heard the distant trickle of the falls again. She felt the late evening breeze against her exposed calves as she sat against the mouldy floorboards of the cabin in a haze of misery.

And then the memory lit up with fire, just as logs had ignited in the cabin fireplace. She saw the stocky boy in the striped shirt notice her shivering and quickly close the door. She remembered the taste of that stale burger he'd slipped through the bars of the cell after he saw her rubbing her stomach. She recalled how he'd shrugged off the scratches and bruises under the brushes of blue paint after she asked if the trip was rough.

Paula didn't associate that place with the lonely memories anymore, because he'd filled them with the warmth of his presence.

"Yeah."

"Haven't you done the same thing for him?" Jeff asked.

Paula saw a more recent memory this time. The newfound claustrophobia of the underground prison. The way Ness quaked as he leant on her shoulder, defeated for what felt like the first time. Despite how hopeless the situation had felt, she smiled in an uncanny way that night.

"I might have."

"Well, there you go," Jeff said, standing up and brushing the gravel off his pants. "He doesn't hate you. Because he needs you as much as you need him."

It seemed like such a simple observation. It felt long overdue, like a math question with an obvious answer you only realised after the exam was over. Paula felt something escape her chest. She felt oddly light as she took Jeff's hand and brushed the last stray tears from the corners of her eyes.

"Want me to stay longer?" Jeff said.

"No," Paula said. "I'm gonna walk around for a bit. Tell Ness I'll be back in an hour."

Jeff smiled. "Sure."

He retraced his steps back toward the hotel, and Paula jumped off the steps. She had every intention of just walking wherever her mind took her, but she could already feel her feet tugging her towards the department store.

Yet despite the argument that had occurred just twenty minutes prior, a peculiar song sprang to the forefront of Paula's mind. She wasn't sure how she remembered it so well - it was from some weird kids movie about a sailor and his girlfriend that they'd shown at the after-school program. She had long forgotten almost everything else about the movie, but in her mind she could still see the actress dressed up in a ludicrous red costume spinning over and over on a wooden pier.

Paula matched her steps with its gentle rhythm and sang in a tone so low that even she could barely hear herself.

_And all at once I knew_

_I knew at once_

_I knew he needed me_

* * *

_A/N  
_

_If it's not clear enough, the movie in question is Popeye (1980). The song is He Needs Me, sung by Shelley Duvall.  
Embarrassingly, I have not seen any of the movie beyond the snippet of her singing. I should probably get around to it._


End file.
